Stress

Wow! No one told me that starting a family would create stress in ALL areas of my life. Trying to figure out how to balance everything is not only time consuming but crazy stressful. I think most adults want to be the best parent they can be, but added to that is my desire to be the best teacher I can be also. I like to think that I will not have to sacrifice one to do the other, but that I will be able to find a balance with my dueling roles. However, as my pregnancy progresses, I am finding myself more out of the "loop" at school. Of course, with this comes the feeling of paranoia of being looked over for special teaching assignments or leadership positions. Then I have to ask myself if I am still that driven, striving to get to the "top" teacher that I was, even as late as last year. Every school I have held a position at, came with exceptional opportunities to be on leadership committees, school safety/environment commmitees, and the like, until I came to my current teaching position. Maybe it is because the district is so large or because the university is right here and so many people are working on higher degrees that those doors have not been open to me.

I think this may be difficult for me because Jason is getting ready to start his Masters. I am excited for him and I know that this will open so many doors for him in his field of teaching, which will open doors for our family. Part of me is a little jealous that I have been content with my current degree. I have always known that I wanted to pursue a higher degree in library science, but I have been so happy in the classroom that I did not actively go for it. I also have always known that once I met the right person, I would want to start a family and be a mom. Like I said before, I did not realize that throughout the pregnancy I would feel conflicted about these roles.

While I know that motherhood will be extremely fullfilling to me, I hope that teaching continues to be one of my passions and that I will be able to step back into leadership roles once I figure out the "balance".